Warnings: This is a long blog. If you don’t enjoy reading, you might want to leave. This is also a controversial topic. Conduct yourself calmly and respectfully, even if you disagree with me.
I know that title is a mouthful. I’m sorry about that. But you know. That’s just how it is today.
I’m very glad you clicked the link to come read this, I appreciate when people read what I write. As we all know by now, the Oklahoma Kappa chapter (correct me if I’m wrong) of Sigma Alpha Epsilon (known as ΣAE [SAE]) was recently stripped of its charter after videos of some fraternity brothers and their house mother performing a chant that included the n-word and some very derogatory words that I don’t care to repeat. As of now, the chapter is no longer at the University of Oklahoma, and two students have been expelled from the university as a result. People are mad as hell, and they should be.
This topic is close to home for me. I am a Black woman who is a member of a predominantly White greek letter organization, and I attended PWI.
I graduated from Frostburg State University, a small, predominantly White university in Western Maryland about 30 minutes or so from West Virginia (that’s already kind of a red flag). I attended the school for all four years of my college career. I entered college in Fall 2008, a few months after I graduated from high school. All my life up to that point, I had attended predominantly (I mean like 99.2%, like 2 white people in the whole school) Black schools. From kindergarten to 3rd grade, I attended inner city schools, then in 4th grade my family moved to an all-black suburb. Needless to say, the only time I really saw White people were when I traveled, and when I went to summer camp. Obviously I’d see them at the store and I had some White teachers and I had a few White friends, but Black people and Black culture is all I knew. Yes, I listened to rock music (a genre many Black people in high school associated with White people) and pop music because I liked it and hung out with people who liked it, but I was, without a doubt, accustomed to Black people.
I was so accustomed to Black people that I became almost tired of Black kids. I’d say 80 percent of the people (including myself) had lived in Baltimore City at some point, so many of them had connections to the city. There was always some drama, someone else fighting, another dude ‘banging’ with the Bloods, another dude selling drugs at school. A guy we had known and went to school with for 4 years actually was killed by his own gang members a few days before our graduation. It was normal almost. It was very sad, but not shocking. But I associated this behavior with Blacks. I wanted to get away from it. I didn’t realize it until I had gotten all my college acceptance letters – most from HBCUs like Hampton, Clark Atlanta, UMES, and Delaware State, – the others were PWIs like Univ. of Illinois: Chicago and Frostburg. I decided to go to Delaware State with my best friends, originally. I changed my mind at the last minute and also paid the acceptance fee for Frostburg as well. I ended up staying in-state and heading 3-and-a-half hours west to Frostburg.
Frostburg is a small town in Western Maryland near Cumberland where there really aren’t many Black people unless they go to the University. In many of my classes, especially closer to the end of my undergraduate career, I was the only Black girl (there were a few Black men in my science courses). I eventually got used to it. Occasionally you would see things that vandals wrote all over campus that said “Niggers go home” and other terrible things like that. I went out for Halloween with my roommate during my freshman year and a guy told us that we “looked good for some colored girls.” That was the moment I knew: I am truly a minority in this place. I can’t begin to tell you how many times my friends or I were told that we were “pretty black girls” or how many times a White guy at a party told us “I’ve never slept with a Black girl” or the ever-famous and equally as irritating, “I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE” statement that we’d often hear after someone had one too many drinks. But I still managed to enjoy my years at Frostburg. Which leads me to the next thing –
At Frostburg, my friend Shannon and I decided to rush a sorority, and ended up accepting bids and pledging to Kappa Beta Gamma International Sorority. There were no historically Black sororities on campus at the time, except for Sigma Gamma Rho, which was very small so and we were unaware of their existence at the time…
I pledged KBG, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy myself. I would be lying if I said I didn’t truly care about those women like true sisters. To this day, I still appreciate all of those women, even the ones I don’t keep in close contact with anymore. It was a good run. I actually became pretty involved, before the chapter closed. I was elected to the Greek council and held several positions of power in my sorority; I also served as a Rho Chi (recruitment counselor) in one recruitment cycle.
My sorority went through several very rough patches where we lost a lot of sisters to misconduct issues. By the time I reached my last semester and became president, our chapter was predominantly Black. I specifically remember our Pennsylvania chapters coming down to the Burg to visit us and help us recruit, and one of my White chapter sisters told them in confidence (not knowing the rest of us heard her) that it was hard for her because “I’m white and most of them are Black.” Not only did that feel like a slap in the face, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the tone of entitlement in her voice. As if us Black girls weren’t dealing with that feeling for three years.
I or my sisters of color were never directly disrespected because of our race; let me make that clear. But being around the Greek scene at Frostburg exposes you to a lot of things that you just can’t know without experiencing yourself. An overwhelming number of students at Frostburg are either in national GLOs or off campus fraternities/sororities. Some of the off-campus greeks were the guys who would say and do racist things on campus like yelling “Nigger” out car windows or on the roof of their frat houses. But I’m not here to talk about my Greek Org, I want to talk about another greek organization who also has a chapter at Frostburg: SAE.
Those of you who are not well-versed in the Greek system may not understand that National Greek letter organizations exist in many different chapters all over the world. SAE is a large national fraternity that happens to have a chapter at Frostburg. I’ll be honest, I have a few friends in SAE, and as a whole, the brothers of SAE at Frostburg are some of the nicest men I’ve ever met. I must also say there are also Black men in that chapter who love their letters and their brotherhood. I don’t know anything about the inner workings of their chapters – just as no one would know the inner workings of my sorority – but every chapter is different.
Every frat or sorority has their own chants and songs we like to sing for fun or as part of an activity. Chants were fun to my sorority. We had funny chants, we had sexually explicit chants, we had religious songs, we had something for every type of women. But to find out that there are people out there in other orgs learning chants that are specifically made to disrespect a particular race of people is mind-blowing. Is this post-racial America? Why is it that every Black person I know at my alma mater can attest to being disrespected because of their race? I’m fortunate to have gone to that school for 4 years without any traumatic experiences, but I know other students at other schools and mine have not been so lucky. I know people who were called the n-word to their face, which at the time was crazy and unbelievable to me. I’m much wiser now.
It is not easy to be Black and attend a school where over 80 percent of the student body is White. Many people are prejudiced and don’t even realize it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been underestimated in class study groups or how many stupid questions or assumptions I’ve heard from White people. I’ve overheard conversations in the student center and in other places on campus where White people had racist conversations. On April 18, 2010, which is coincidentally the same day I was initiated into KBG, two students were shot off-campus – one died, and one was seriously injured. The shooter, both victims, and the girl who the dispute started over, were all Black. If we were already seen as a hostile species, this incident did not help. The things I hated about Black people in high school suddenly started to make more sense to me.
Then you hear, “Well it’s not ALL White people that are racist.” “Why are ALL the members of Sigma Alpha Epsilon, a NATIONAL organization being called racist? There are Black SAEs!”
You’re right. It’s not all White people. All the brothers of SAE are not racists, and I can personally vouch for the fact that many of them are, in fact, Black. I can also tell you that all Black people are not unintelligent, hostile, disrespectful degenerates that racist people might think we are. Our men are not all a risk to society. Our women are not all “angry.” All white people aren’t racist. All members of SAE are not racist, some of them are even of color. Doesn’t it suck to be generalized? Yeah? Well “get over it.”
If you’re truly not racist, I love you. I love you because you’ll understand every word I just said. You may even be able to empathize. If anything I wrote offended you, then maybe you need to reevaluate.
It’s not all of us. Don’t generalize us.
Can you hear us now?
Whether you want to admit it or not, there’s something crazy about the month of January. I would call it magical, but I usually reserve that word for positive things. That isn’t to imply that Januaries are negative, but I must be clear that there are some things about January I could do without.
1. New Year’s Resolutions: No, I’m not going to be the person to say, “Why wait for a new year to change something about your life?” But I will say January is notorious for them. People start flocking to the gym, the fresh produce sections of the grocery store, and the active section of any store that sells clothes and shoes. It’s great really. There is something inspirational about a new year that makes everyone want to be a better person all-around. Can’t be mad at that, but I think it’s the second half of January where many people just say, “I’ll skip the gym,” or “I could go for some pizza today,” or “I really don’t feel like taking the stairs today.” And there’s no turning back. To every person who has held on to their new year’s resolution this far, or have even stuck to it in the past, you are a unicorn and I must commend you for your amazing feat.
3. Awkwardly muttering “Happy New Year” to people you haven’t seen this year. I don’t really say Happy New Year unless it’s actually New Year’s Day. But there are many people who will say “Happy New Year!” to you in March if they haven’t seen you yet. It’s okay guys, it’s January 15th. A simple “hello” will suffice. 🙂
4. The feeling that you are still in the previous year. This means writing the wrong year down on paper, having conversations that mention “this year” for things that really happened last year, and having a late birthday. I just turned 24 almost 4 months ago. The thought that I am now in the year that I will turn 25 makes sense, but does not register.
5. The barrage of people who “left” other people in 2014. This includes Facebook status announcements of deleting sprees, posts that say “new number! if you don’t have it, don’t bother!”, and the “inspirational” posts about the absence of old feelings and old baggage from old relationships that will likely come to haunt them by March at the latest. Just so you know, those people you left in 2014? *whispers* They’re still here. And causing havoc on our lives as usual, unfortunately.
There may be some other things that come to mind later, but those were just some of my thoughts about the month of January. If you’re reading this, I’m glad you’re here! Thanks for reading and I’m happy you’ve made it into the new year. Until next time!
How does January make you feel?
Well, it’s 2:40am right now but it might be after 3 by the time I post this, but whatever. You get the idea. We’re in wee hours of the morning and I’m not asleep.
This happens almost every night of the week, and I really have no good explanation for it. In high school most of the time I’d be asleep by 12-ish but there were many nights that me and one of my very close friends, Albert, would stay on the phone all night — or until one (or both) of us fell asleep. We’d meet up in the hallway at school both acknowledging how tired the other looked (ie: “ugh girl you look terrible!” Or “your eyes look like crap today”) but for some reason we never learned lol.
In college, those nights didn’t happen as often, mostly because of really bad phone service in my college town when I lived in a dorm, and I had a roommate that I didn’t want to bother. I still stayed up pretty late though. All through college, especially when I became more involved on campus, I went to sleep late, and woke up early.
I left college and didn’t have much reason to stay up late anymore, and my sleep schedule has been that way ever since. Makes no sense, but that’s how it is. I usually sleep by 3 or 4am, then I wake up around 6 or 7 (to make sure my siblings make it to school) then if I don’t have work I go back to sleep until 8 or 9. Now that it is summer, I wake up around the same times, and it doesn’t help that I don’t work until or 11 or 12pm most days.
I can be a bit of a light sleeper, and other times I just have too much on my mind to sleep. Sometimes when I’m nervous or looking forward to something, I can’t sleep. If I’m not home in my own bed, sleep usually doesn’t go very well.
I’m not sleeping now…why? Tonight I washed, conditioned, and threaded my hair while watching some YouTube vlogs while silently complaining to myself that didn’t work on any designs today. I made a silent goal to complete two designs every day, but it just hasn’t been happening with work and all the power outages… I could stay up longer and do it but that probably isn’t very good for me. Plus I do really enjoy sleep [that I hardly get].
You know the children’s story about the sandman? That was always strange to me. Random, I know.
I just wrote a whole blog about sleep. Can’t you tell I need some? Perhaps I should try. But of course I can’t do that —after all, it’s 12 noon somewhere…
It has been quite a while since I’ve written anywhere here! I don’t really use my tumblr much either unless it’s the day after an award show and I want to look at all the cool pictures from the event or some gifs of my favorite artists. Anyway, I’m alive and well, sorry for the hugeeee delay in posts!
So a few things are going on. But in a nutshell, there is a lot i want to accomplish before school starts again this fall. Some of which, are already underway.
I’ve made it a priority to take better care of myself in every way. I’ve never been much of a fast food junkie or junk food hoarder, as I was brought up in a home where most things are made from scratch, so my eating habits haven’t changed dramatically. I’ve never really been into pork (although my friend had me try some she made at her house for dinner and it wasn’t bad), and I really only eat beef when I go to restaurants with friends and order a nice steak or a well done burger. And that certainly doesn’t happen often. Besides, I still enjoy tasty food!
I’ve been a person who walks a lot since middle school, I used to walk a mile to school and a mile back in high school. The mile-long walk home usually followed marching band practice or softball practice, so I had even more exercise. College slowed that down a little bit, but I didn’t have a car so I walked a lot anyway. I’m back home now, with a car, so I have to make the conscious effort to get my heart beating. That means taking the stairs, parking in far spaces in parking lots, occasional bike rides, and more recently, jumping on the trampoline. When I’m feeling really energetic I do legitimate workouts to keep the flab away lol.
Another way I’ve been trying to take better care of myself is to minimize stress. I’m a constant worrier. I criticize myself unnecessarily when it comes to my work, and I take constructive criticism very seriously. I naturally have the desire to please everyone and sometimes that means that I have to neglect my own feelings. I’ve made conscious efforts to express myself more. Some things I can’t just let slide anymore. A lot of dramatic stuff within my circle is now the least of my worries.
I’ve been teaching myself to understand my worth. Respect goes a long way. I give respect to everyone I meet, whether they return it or not. But I will no longer find myself in situations where my dignity is
Being compromised. I’ve been used for my time, money, resources and even my generosity and sometimes naïveté. I recently realized that the friends I value the most don’t expect anything from me but my presence and my friendship. I owe them nothing else. And that was a great feeling once I realized it.
In relationships, I still struggle with tolerance and opening up to people, but I’ve definitely become smarter. I’m grateful that I didn’t have to learn anything the hard way, but I’m glad that I’m at a point in my life where I still don’t need anyone yet, you know?
I feel like many people my age have similar goals and sentiments as I’ve mentioned here. The early 20s are really the years are figuring out life and where it’s going to go next. I’m having a pretty good time so far.
That’s it for now, thanks for reading! I’ll be writing about my new business venture shortly. 🙂